


30 Day OTP Challenge: Artie/Bedazzler

by TeslaInMyPocket



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, I laughed so hard at the thought of this fic that I almost passed out, I'm Sorry, Other, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-14 14:18:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeslaInMyPocket/pseuds/TeslaInMyPocket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are no ships in Warehouse 13. Well, except for Artie/Bedazzler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1. Holding Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sorry.

Day 1. Holding Hands

Artie sat down with a weary sigh in his plastic swivel chair. Having sent all of the agents on their own respective missions, Pete and Myka to Albuquerque and Claudia and Steve to LA, he had the Warehouse to himself. Unfortunately, this meant that he had to take on their usual duties. He had been cataloging inventory all day, and was rather foot sore. His segway had stopped working halfway through the day and he had been forced to walk from row to row. “I’ll have to get Claudia to fix that when she gets back...” Artie muttered to himself, shuffling around the portfolios that went with the Albuquerque mission. Other than the usual Warehouse sounds, the office was quiet. Trailer dozed quietly in the corner and Artie couldn’t bring himself to disturb him for a game of catch. Instead, he settled on the idea of rearranging his desk drawers. Upon opening one, though, Artie began to reconsider. The drawer was crammed full of papers and odds and ends from missions and other things that were years old. Claudia had more or less stopped the use of paper in the Warehouse, keeping everything to the computers. More eco friendly, perhaps, and it certainly cut down on this sort of mess. Artie removed the top layer of papers, setting them on the floor next to his chair so that that they would be easier to go through. But something shiny caught his eye. Underneath the stack of papers had been something he hadn’t seen in months.   
His bedazzler.   
Beside it was the belt that he had made for Claudia, as if it had been tucked away and hidden on purpose. Frowning, Artie picked up his bedazzler once again, setting it on his desk and leaving the stack of papers forgotten on the floor. Upon rummaging through other drawers, Artie slowly found the rest of the bedazzling kit, which had apparently been hidden from him. He spread everything out, all of the rhinestones and studs, next to the bedazzler itself. Next, Artie found something to bedazzle. Something that would be seen as an act of revenge for hiding the bedazzler from him in the first place.   
Claudia’s fingerless gloves, which she had so carelessly left next to her computer, would do nicely. Artie set to work, bedazzling the wrist of the gloves with gaudy pink and silver rhinestones in an alternating pattern. The bedazzler hummed under his hand, sounding happy to have been found and used again.   
The door to the Umbilicus opened quietly, letting in the voices of Claudia and Steve who were apparently in the middle of a conversation. “Sorry we didn’t check in there at the end, but we thought we would surprise you.” said Claudia, gesturing to Steve who held up a silver neutralizing bag. “We got it without much of a problem actually and what are you doing?” she said, changing gears mid sentence upon noticing the bedazzler.   
Artie smiled, tossing her the new and improved gloves. “Oh. You didn’t.” she whimpered, turning them over in her hands. “Oh, but I did! And that’s what you get for hiding my things! In the future, I hope that this will serve as a lesson as to why that is a bad move on your part!” said Artie, sharing a glance with Steve who seemed torn between a sympathetic expression for his friend and all out laughter at the absurdity of the situation. Claudia advanced towards Artie. “Give it to me.” she said, grabbing for the bedazzler. Artie snatched the machine up, holding it protectively in his hands. “No! It is mine and you will not touch it!” he shouted, shouldering away Claudia’s attempts at taking his bedazzler from him. “I’ll get you back for this.” she said, pointing a finger at Artie before storming back out of the Umbilicus. Steve sat the artifact down on Artie’s desk, glancing at the remaining rhinestones. “Listen....Artie.... If you could leave my stuff out of this? I’m trying to break a stereotype here, so bedazzled boots might not help.” Artie made no response, other than shuffling around the container of studs with his finger. Steve decided not to press his luck and exited the office. Artie patted the bedazzler happily. This afternoon turned out to be much more productive than he had imagined. He could keep this particular hobby up for awhile...


	2. Day 2. Cuddling Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still 0% sorry.

Day 2. Cuddling Somewhere 

The smell of pumpkin pie was prevalent in the B&B, which was an annoying thing for Artie. He wasn’t allowed to try any, thanks to his diet. He knew that he probably would, even if it meant an angry glare from Myka or Claudia. But Leena’s pies were worth it. Artie sat on the couch, his bedazzler in his lap. He was working on a strip of fabric, just for fun. It had been awhile since he had worked with the machine, and he was still getting the hang of it again. Lining things up was a lot more difficult than the As Seen On TV ads made it look, but he was getting better at it all the time. There had been no pings today, and everyone was enjoying the day off, at least for now. This was a perfectly acceptable way for Artie to spend his time off, of course. A grown man could bedazzle whatever he wanted, or at least be able to do so without certain agents making snide jokes about it. One more jibe, and Pete would definitely find himself cleaning out the gooery.   
The late afternoon breeze, pleasant for South Dakota, blew in through the open windows of the B&B, making the conditions for a nap ideal. Setting the strips of fabric that he had been experimenting on and the tubs of rhinestones on the floor, Artie stretched, unable to remember the last time he had actually been able to take a nap. Taking that as a sign that he desperately needed a new point of reference, he reclined back on the couch, resting the bedazzler next to him. There was no way that he was leaving it unguarded on the coffee table or floor. Draping a protective arm around it, Artie relaxed his head on the couch arm and dozed.


	3. Day 3. Gaming/Watching A Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry level still zero.

Day 3. Gaming/Watching A Movie

“What on earth are you watching?” Claudia asked, walking into Artie’s office, closely tailed by Pete. Artie startled, minimizing the browser and spinning around in his chair, sending a few loose rhinestones skittering across the floor. “Nothing. None of your business!” he said defensively. Pete and Claudia exchanged a quick, knowing look. “What are you-” Artie asked, cut off as Claudia pounced, shoving her way in between Artie and the computer. “Nope! Nope! Come on, lets see what you’re up too!” she said in response to Arties protests. Pete was holding his shoulder, preventing any retaliation that he was giving. Maximizing the browser once again, Claudia stepped away from the computer. “Is that....what I think it is?” she asked, puzzled. “Not what I thought it would be...” said Pete, letting go of Artie’s shoulders. “Yes, okay? It’s Pride and Prejudice. Is that going to be a problem?” Artie asked, annoyance clearly evident in his voice. He would have to skip back several minutes now to get back to the place where he had been. “Dude, why are you watching Pride and Prejudice?” Claudia asked, laughing. Artie sighed, adjusting his glasses, “It’s background noise because I enjoy such things while I work!” he said, standing up and walking over to one of the many boards in the room to put a thumbtack in. “And by work, do you mean....bedazzle things?” asked Claudia, gesturing to the machine which sat next to the computer. “It relaxes me and- wait, why am I even explaining this to you?!” Artie exclaimed, jabbing another thumbtack into the board, which was quite unnecessary. “Is this the Keira Knightley one?” asked Pete, sitting down in Artie’s chair and starting the movie back up. It took him a few moments, but upon catching Artie’s look, he paused the movie once more and stood up out of the chair. “Don’t you have something to do?” Artie asked threateningly. “Right, more inventory. Yaay...” said Claudia, rolling her eyes and leaving the office for the Warehouse. “Enjoy your...Jane Austen...” said Pete uncomfortably before following Claudia. Artie paused for a moment, allowing for Claudia and Pete to get an acceptable distance from his office before hurrying back to his desk and sitting back down, resuming his movie and turning his bedazzler on. The movie was only half finished and, Artie thought, Pete was surely in need of an improved tie....


	4. Day 4. On a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four chapters in, four not sorry's.

Day 4. On a date

“It looks like he’s on a date.” Myka said quietly to Pete, both of them sitting in side by side arm chairs at the B&B, watching Artie through the open door to the next room. “Oh my god, you’re right. Do you think it actually is?” Pete asked. Myka stared at Pete for a moment, waiting for him to make any indication that he wasn’t serious. “No. No Pete. I don’t think it’s an actual date.” she said, exasperated with her partner. Meanwhile, Artie worked busily at the dining table, the bedazzler sitting opposite of him. He had taken a break from it, and was instead going through case files that he had prepared previously for Pete and Myka, intending on giving it to them when he had insured that everything they would need was in the files. It was the candle, burning with a slightly stuttering flicker in the middle of the table, that gave the whole situation the appearance of a date. The lightbulb to the nearest lamp had gone out and apparently the B&B was out of lightbulbs, so rather than go find one, Artie had lit a candle. The light was, well, candlelight, but he made do. From Pete and Myka’s out-of-the-room point of view, Artie appeared to be facing the bedazzler, candlelight flickering between them both. Their inability to see the papers that Artie was reading made it look like he was just shuffling his hands around on the table. “This is getting out of hand. Maybe we should take it away from him...” Pete said quietly to Myka, who nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I think this is getting unhealthy. Also, he bedazzled some of my socks last week...” “What about your socks?” said Artie, entering the room with two manilla folders. “I...I was telling Pete....how much I loved them!” Myka said, reaching out to receive her folder. Pete nodded when Artie looked at him for confirmation. “Yeah, Myka was just telling me how she would like some more socks.” said Pete as he opened his own folder, avoiding Myka’s glare. Artie beamed, “Good! I’m glad you like them. The bedazzling gives me something to do, so you can expect some more then, if you want them.” Myka nearly protested, but instead nodded defeatedly. “Anyway, as you’ll see, you two are headed New York. Something is causing trouble and, yeah, you know what to do. Go!” said Artie, walking back to the dining table and turning on the bedazzler. “Oh, Myka! You’ll have some socks waiting when you get back.” said Artie cheerily. Myka managed a pained smile before hurrying out the door with Pete. “I’ll kill you for that.” she muttered. “Worth it!” said Pete victoriously.


	5. Day 5. Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had already decided to do this challenge before I realized that half of the pairing being a non-sentient bedazzler would be a bit of a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sorry.

Day 5. Kissing 

“Artie, really, if you could help us right now that would great!” said Myka, her voice coming in through the speaker of the Farnsworth. Artie in his swivel chair wheeled back over to where it was propped up on his desk, adjusting his glasses and peering back at the circular screen. “You don’t think I am LOOKING?” he snapped back, wheeling back out of view to rummage through a stack of papers he had sitting on a nearby table. “ARTIE!” Myka shouted, noises of commotion coming from the background now. Artie wheeled back to the desk, grabbing the Farnsworth again. “What is it? Does he have it?” he asked, continuing to shuffle through papers with one hand. “He has the sword. It looks more like a saber though.” said Myka, “But not a fencing saber. More like a cavalry saber...” “A cavalry saber?” Artie repeated, more to himself than Myka, before launching himself at a file on his desk, which was pinned under the bedazzler. “Banastre Tarleton’s cavalry saber! He was a....British dragoon general during the American Revolution. Ruthless. Very violent.” said Artie, skimming the papers in the file. “Yeah, we sort of got the violent part!” said Myka, stepping backwards from the offscreen attacker. “Bag it quickly. They didn’t call him ‘Bloody Ban’ because he was a sweet guy!” said Artie. Myka apparently took his advice, closing her Farnsworth and ending the call.   
Artie sat the Farnsworth back on his desk, waiting for the confirmation that the saber had been neutralized. The minutes dragged by, and no amount of paper shuffling could preoccupy him enough. Finally, the telltale buzz let Artie know that the artifact had been successfully captured. Opening up the Farnsworth, Artie found the faces of both Pete and Myka looking back at him. Pete held up a canister of goo, “Got it.” he said, “And we’re still in one piece, so that’s a plus, right?” “Good job, guys.” Artie said, closing the Farnsworth and cutting off any question that Myka looked like she was about to ask. Pulling himself to the desk, Artie positioned the bedazzler closer to himself, along with a few tubs of rhinestone and a strip of leather and began working on what he hoped would be another belt for Claudia.   
Pete and Myka returned later in the evening, entering the Warehouse and setting the canister with the saber on Artie’s desk with a loud thud. “Why did you say good job? You rarely compliment us... What’s up?” questioned Myka, eyeing Artie suspiciously. Artie looked up from his nearly complete belt to meet Myka’s scrutinizing look with a shrug. “I thought you did a satisfactory job, so I told you so.” he said, looking back down at his current project. “It’s the bedazzler.” said Pete suddenly, snapping a finger and pointing at it. “Artie is always in a better mood when using it. That’s why he was so nice.” Myka rolled her eyes, “Yeah, Pete, except Artie wasn’t using the bedazzler when he complimented us.” “Yeah? Well I bet he was thinking about using it!” Pete retorted. “Would you both just learn to take a compliment?!” Artie interjected, “I said you did a good job because you did. And also, I am happier when I am using the bedazzler. Because it listens better than you two do!” said Artie. “Someone’s in love...” said Pete. Artie kissed the bedazzler in response, making a loud ‘mwah’ sound that Pete and Myka did not think possible from him. “Now get back to work. Go find Leena. Give her the saber.” barked Artie, shooing the confused pair away and resuming his work on the belt.


	6. Day 6. Wearing Each Others Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mr. Grumpy Bedazzled Pants..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story, now with even less sorry than before!

Day 6. Wearing each others’ clothes

“Hey, Artie? Would it be okay if I borrowed the segway for, like, 5 minutes? Because I just-” Pete stopped halfway through his sentence, the sight before him rendering him speechless. Artie had appeared normal from behind, but now that he had turned to face Pete, it was evident that his style of dress was now anything but. His pants, usually plain and black, were now intricately designed with hundreds of glittering rhinestones. “Uh...” Pete managed, unsure of how to approach Artie’s questionable fashion. “No.” Artie responded dryly to Pete’s request, “I can’t imagine a reason that you would even need it in the first place. The answer is no.” “Oh, come on. I would get to the Trap Aisle so much faster..” whined Pete. “Take the zipline.” said Artie, annoyance rising in his voice “But I don’t like the zipline....” “THEN WALK!” Artie shouted, waving his hands in a ‘get out of my office, Pete, or so help me’ motion. “Fine, Mr. Grumpy Bedazzled Pants...” Pete muttered trooping out of the room. 

Artie barely had time to roll his eyes at that comment when a certain redhead jogged into the office. "I got the info you were asking about on that New York thing and oh my god, what are you wearing?" Claudia said in a single breath. "Clothes." Artie responded, "Give me the folio." Claudia was still standing in the doorway to Artie's office, like Pete, trying to form an acceptable question for Artie. "The pants are...new." she said finally. "I finished them this morning. Now give me the folio..." said Artie, patting his knee which glittered with rhinestone design. "Wait...was that why you practically disappeared to your room all weekend? You were bedazzling your pants?" said Claudia, stressing the words bedazzling and pants heavily. "Yes. I was, as a matter of fact. Now give me the folio!" Artie said, his patience having been previously zapped by Pete. Claudia crossed the room, placing the folio in Artie's outstretched palm. "Whatever floats your boats, gramps." she said with a small shake of her head, leaving the office before Artie could do anything other than huff at her. Artie removed his glasses and sat them on the bedazzler, perched on the corner of his desk, and rubbed his eyes. "I just want five minutes of peace..." he said to himself. Artie welcomed the silence that followed that comment before the computer in front of him erupted with a loud 'PING


End file.
